Thursday, November 6, 2008

Out of OrDeR

As the title of this Blog suggests,my life as I knew it has temporarily interrupted, but not disrupted.I cannot STAND when my routine is disrupted with something unwelcomed.I am a creature of habit, yet hate routine, and blah!I am pretty black and white on most things, and feel my routine should be the same way, but add the spice and flava I like .So when I (with my black and white self) have a plan, I expect it to I planned!
This makes the FOURTH year long separation from Vannell,.as a result of deployment.With this comes many challenges, some welcomed, most discouraged!Today, I experienced one of those discouraging challenges.The TrUcK........It is ALWAYS the vehicles.One deployment, it was the tires,another, the brakes,you name it, someone I know has had to take their vehicle in for something, they didn't expect or prepare for.So mine happened to be this wonderful sound that was coming from the engine.You could not get rid of it no matter what you did.I tried speeding up, nothing,slowing down , nothing.It started, literally, the day after we did our budget for the guessed it)So hoping it would go away, I waited a day.Well after the weekend, I decided to take it in.The service dept. told me I needed to come back, and I could get in and out if I made and appointment.So I made my appointment.I made it with the assurance I'd get in and out.....RiiiiiiigggghtThinking, it's the belt, they will tighten it, and its a wrap.Thankfully, I only had to ride around sounding like Herbie the Love Bug for three days.Any more, and I would have skate boarded everywhere.It was a loud, and annoying sound!So yeah they day came.(today)Preparing for my day as normal, I packed what needed to be packed, and I even packed my laptop.Prepared for a long wait.Regardless of what they told me.Children in tow, I went to drop of VanTelle, and discovered my ID was missing.I had to goooo aaaallll the way home to get it.That would have sent me ova the edge. Then I go to the dealer.He tool my keys right away.explaining, "he saw me drive up!"He knew my car and all.So I am thinking, "Wow...this is gonna be effortless!"At this point I realized, when I looked through my packed baby bag,"danggit!I forgot to pack diapers for Sarah!"Great, now I have to do the potty thing.(Have you ever done that; and had to reopen a diaper as if it was a pull up.)Thankfully, she didn't have spaghetti or corn for breakfast!!!!!She did well.She did not soil, he diaper,and it was all good!
Armed with a double stroller, laptop, and snacks, I headed to the waiting room.After sitting there for about an hour, a service desk associate, came to me,with what I recognized as a work order in hand, and numbers , calculations in pen on the back."Here we go", I thought."I came in here for you to tighten my belt.That's it."So basically she informed me that I needed a water pump.Now that I think about it, she never told me what the status of the noise was.She just said you needed a water pump.what eva.Well first she came and asked if I wanted to go to the mall.I was like no,I don't need to go to the mall, just get the truck fixed.Long story short,I ended up leaving with a loaner, and my truck is still there. I had to lol the possibility of me breaking down in fountain of tears.But I didn't , this time.I thought to myself,"What's going on, that you didn't loose it this time?"Because, it is NO GUARANTEE that I won't cry "over" something in the near future.I even text someone, and told her what was goin on, and that this would have sent me over before.As I was thinking about it, I got a reply, and she texted,"Well you are growing up!"That added another thing to ponder,"Does growing up mean we can' t and won't cry or react to stress etc?"No....was what I told you mean no matter how grown I think I get/ am, I will cry over stuff that gets overwhelming?....yes!!!(I do talk AND answer myself,,,,WhAt?!)So then I thought," Why didn't I cry what was different?"Well number one, I am emotionally healthier right now,very limited stress,and what kept coming back to me was that I was PREPARED!I literally thought through the first half of my day,last night.Because I knew the potential for a melt down was there. I planned accordingly.... next time I will have a diaper bag check list though.It worked out this time, but can you see me in a public rest room, huggin Sarah and crying,"I forgot your diapers,I am sorry, I forgot your diapers.Vannell should be here, to do this.Ohhh Gosh....."
I thought the process through,including the part where I was gonna get nickeled and dimed for one thing or another.What I was not prepared for was having to go all the way home because I left my ID home.So I was PREPARED, and as the day progressed, I had a solution for what was happening.Being healthier, not only physically, helps me mentally.I am allowing myself many emotional outlets, so that when something totally unrelated to my tears happens, the tears won't look for an opportunity to SHINE!Well I will tell you, I know it's coming , one day....they will rightfully shiiiine.Whether it's spilled milk, a dirty diaper, a light bulb that is blown or the last piece of chicken eaten, Imma let it flow too!!!So while I know what you meant when you said, "I am growing up!"I will tell you,stress, deployment, unplanned events that disrupt my day all make for the perfect formula for a cry fest.So I will not promise you I won't text you one day rotflol.....Girl, I cried because the commissary put the bread in the back again!!!!Well you know I am not crying because of is because, One more thing decides to go HaYwIrE in my life:Interrupted but not disrupted!

(To the tune of It's My Party)"This Deployment I'll Crrrrry if I want to, Crrrrrry If I want tooooo, you would cry to if it happened to you!"

I will tell you, when it rains, it pours!The events that followed the rest of the had to have been designed to break me down.Seriously! I didn't cry about it, but poor Vannell got an ear full, poor thing.I need to go work out,and go to bed.I actually, opted for some homemade fried chicken and a diet coke.Theeeen imma work out and go to bed.
Today was an emotionally draining day.Some things I was prepared for.Others, I brought on myself.Either way...The utters are

1 comment:

VLadies said...

I know what you mean. But like you said, u prepared and in some cases had a contingency plan. But I know there are times when u get that 1 drop of water that floods the room and itz all good. I have those virtually everyday....U b strong as long as u can and when the tears flow...let em and have no shame...u no I am no more than a flip and few keystrokes away. What u do is AMAZING!!! Taking care of ur family and putting up with mine as well as runnin a business, and Oh, by the way, ur rock is gone. So in my book....Sin Say, u can cry whenever u want to, bout whatevea u need to, however much u do....ITZ ALL GOOD!!!!

Luv Ya