Friday, January 23, 2009

Operation _UPS_Unshipped Postal Service

I am sooo two days behind...this is yesterday's blog. I think I posted about Vannell's adjustment, and lack there of to his Dad being gone.Yesturday was the tip of the ice burg for me.....emotionally.
Let's see, it started off with his usual tantrum, fit, yelling and channelling of a 6 month old baby.
It usually begins when I wake him up, the FIRST thing out his mouth is where is my Daddy, or Is Daddy coming with us, and Is Daddy done in Iraq.Well that HAS to be one of the hardest things to deal with as a parent.Trying to hold it all in, I usually quietly explain, "no Vannell, Daddy isn't done working in Iraq."
I am sure in his little 3 year old mind....he is thinking, "hey, they said he is going to be gone for a long time...ok....its been a long time>"Ohh it just breaks my heart to no end...I feel helpless.
Usually after I say this the whine fest begins from I want my Daddy, to I don't want to go to school, to I want to go to school,BUT I want to eat at home......on and on.All this to the top of his lungs, tears flowing...and just as emotionally unstable as a person on a diet at a buffet.
So during this fit, I tapped into my profession....redirecting.... I got the brainy, not emotionally healthy for me, idea to have him leave a message on his Dad's yahoo.Ohhh why do I love punishment?....."Dadddy...arre you dun in Iwaq?...I misiiiissss you....calll me pleeeeaaassssssseee" he said in that raspy deep voice of his.Well you could have had me for a nickel.I did one of those silent ugly cries.The kind you hold in, because you don't want to alarm the chilren.While I was unsuccessfully holding the tears back, I was bawling.This is the hard sucks.I never had to deal with this before in past separations.The children were either too young to be affected, or old enough to understand.
So after the call, and a fight over gloves, and line leaders(someone has to lead the line from the interior garage door to the truck on the other side of the door)
I am convinced at this point, anything that will cause an argument, a fit, or emotionally charged cry feels good to him....its a release...But what is more frustrating is the aggression.I am really trying to be understanding...but the aggression is getting old.
Well once I go to his class...I asked his teacher is she noticed anything different.As we have for at least 3 weeks.One said no...she is new.But the lead teacher said she did.Well, what she said to me next led to ANOTHER moment of tears for me.It is soo heartbreaking to know your child is basically traumatized and there is nothing you can do but help them cope.I was convinced I was going to get a call about his aggression, but I never did.So I asked, and she said he has regressed...which I see at home.He is the baby....his speech, and mannerisms.She says she speaks of his Daddy being a soldier all the time.It is always on his mind.And he doesn't play with his friends much.He will try and play and stop mid stride, and go and sit by himself.Well....that did it....I bawled....she was so understanding.She hugged me, and I told her I was off to find books to help him cope.
Armed with titles...I went to Borders..the only bookstore in Watertown has NO books for young children dealing with separation through military, and the trauma.I spent 2 hrs there.Nothing.I looked, the sales associateS looked...nothing.So now I am REALLY emo...I mean really.
Long story short, I got an idea.I decided that maybe it would be nice if Daddy "sent" him a box.I didn't have time for Vannell to actually send a box...I was/ am desperate.So I did what most Mommies do, I planned and executed .....operation UPS_Unmailed Postal Service.
See that is when you want to give your child the illusion that they have received mail.All for a greater cause.You will not see this company in the yellow pages.I own what I did was went to the PX and bout soldier bears, a couple of toys, cards,movies, candy and a special nap time blanket with stuffed animals attached.
Earlier when they had spoken to their Dad, I typed as he spoke, tell them u sent them a box...will explain later..Ahhh .....parents are sooo sneaky.....its all good.I know i'll go a thousand miles for my kids to do and feel better.(I will be the first to say that my 35 year old mind cannot fully comprehend my husband being gone for 365days, so I cannot imagine a 3yo mind*tear*)
Obediently*wink*Vannell took his cue.Told me what to put in the cards, and the plan was in order.
We went to bed peacefully last night.Not much of a fight.After readin the Snuggle Puppy book and The Kissing Hand...they went to bed thinking about the package that was in the mailbox JUST FOR THEM.

I was able to get a little respite yesturday.There was a FRG meeting going on and I attended.I am not much for FRG, but the kids and I went.It was nice to have the older four tag along...and leave the younger to with Maam.So that being said, we were able to go to our meeting and shop for the UPS.After such an emotionally charged day, weeks for that matter, I welcomed the break...even if it was a meeting.(how desperate is

Not much else going on....planning to just chill this weekend.I am feeling like I am getting close to needing my quarterly sabbatical to a far off place...just me myself and I.It sucks cuz my man ain't here, I love when he would sneak up, and I would let him in ...for a minute...or so....and send him on his marry little way.So this time, I guess it'll be just me myself....uninterrupted....ahhh the hours of sleep, rest.....non thinking....(I know that is not a word)
More snow

You know, as much as I am proud of my country, and especially proud of my husband.It's times like these that makes you it worth it?What can be done?Do they have to go so often?So long?What about soldier X who has never been?
Then I think about the sacrifices we have made, that Vannell makes.I think abo0ut how he proudly serves, never complaing....well I will say...never doubting the mission...or for a lack of a better word...obediently serving.
I take this attitude as I support my husband....I serve him, my country and children.I will do this by being a support to him, keeping the home fires burning and the house in order.I think about how fast time has gone by so far.I think about the past seperations and how they look like mountains in the begining...and begin to demish as time goes by.I thinkl about how technology has advanced from the first speration to now.I think about it all....and I know...that God has never lead me where he couldn't support me.He always lets me know
"This too Shall Pass"

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