Sunday, October 26, 2008

Blog about Blogging

I am embarking on and adventure with my husband being deployed.I had a thought to start a blog to capture this journey.With my weight loss from a size 18 to 12 ty very much...and a possible new career/ hobby...( will discuss later).I think I am well on my way.
***Disclaimer *** I CAN spell, but do not always
Please read if you wish comment if you like.But this is mainly for me...growth can be captivated in words on paper.And it is awesome to go back a year from now and read where you've/ i've come from..I am an advocate for journaling....try it!
So first thing I learned is that feeling good and looking good will not change the fact that my husband has to leave.I think we have these moment in life where we think if I fix this or that, God will "take it away".Well being at Fort Drum..."the most deployed" post in the Army...unless you have a GOOD reason, one thing is unavaoidable....DEPLOYMENT.It is almost like saying Damn isn't stings just as much.(I am not saying we are damned)This week as I was out seeing all the painted cars , tv interviews of returning soldiers, told myself don't hate...cause it will be your turn soon enough.I don't have a problem being happy for others regardless of my situation.
It doesn't get easier.After four year long separations, one would think it would...not!I maintained my hoooah face for a long time though.,then it hit me...about 12 the night he had to leave.Kids in bed, house quiet.My husband/ friend has to leave again...for WHAT?!I am not willing to debate politics, but it makes no since as to why I have to rehearse the word Iraq to my three year olds....When will it end?As I began to think about the years gone by and all the things that happen when they deploy I felt sad, happy, overwhelmed and scared all in one.I worried about him worrying about me/ us.I knew he would miss the kids.We ave 5 beautiful children and a God daughter that lives with us.They are his pride and joy.His name sake is his buddy, and his oldest son ...well...he's a teenager, and lets say dynamics change in father son relationships when they become teens...can you say goofy? at times I feel like the dorm mother in a frat house...competition, wrestling, eating...farting lordy....but it's family fun.I literally had to tear him away from them, the reassuring talks, the last ditch effort to discipline...which the funniest thing is when he calls them to the computer and disciplines through the web cam....and they listen!
I thought about how we will have holidays, anniversaries and even first days of school before he returns for good.Will his grandmother be ok?Will we be ok?.....YES!
I had a good cry of those UGLY ones...ya know?Then I clicked into Military Momma Mode...HOOOOAAAAH!
The devil aint gonna have me down and out.Now I will have my days when you may call and I WILL let the answering machine get it.i will have my days where a cookie will trump a salad.Not to mention my favorite...retail therapy...I have it baaaad.i am already thinking about takin a night job to support my I know?
I am so proud of him/ them and how when I saw them reporting and getting weapons, regardless of how stoic, out of it, dazed we family members looked. .With red noses, heads gazed on the floor and praying that not another lady from the Family Readiness, or ACS come over to talk.A shameless, yet ineffective attempt to ease your pain, and emotional roller coaster.They mean well...but leave me!I mean we have true heroes, I thought as i looked around.Some first timers...alot of first timers.Being sent off with mom and dad in tow.What about the group of single soldiers in the middle sitting in their very own unofficial fraternity.I thought about their loved ones that could not come and see them off.What got me was the children.At 3 in the morning, clothed in pj...regardless of age....commanding life and conforming to what was about to happen.playing, laughing, and asking for hot chocolate.The babies...who were and are ok...the unborn babies, that do not have a clue.Yet our heroes, our men and women stood tall, ready, game face on...regardless of how they felt, thought, political party, or personal situations.They were ready.I looked into my husbands eyes...Big Teddy Bear...I saw no fear.... eyes full of emotion...worried about me.He dared not break down...and he didn't.It's part of the training...or his experience.He tells me it makes it worse.He should know... I often wondered what that plane ride was like at take off.I knew what the ride home is like.than you angels! Let's see we have been through him leaving soon after marriage, birth with him absent, birth and him leaving soon after birth(twice), me moving while he was deployed.........ahhhh we got this......With God...we got this!
I laid my head on his chest last time before he returns.I( i go through that...the "last time till he comes back" game) told myself just walk's the only way you are going to leave him.Don't say bye, don't hug him, just walk away. So as I laid my head in his chest...let out a mini good one...that one was cute...I was in public....he hugged me...kissed my forehead and let me if he knew what I was thinking.Maybe he was thinking it in his own way.Man I thought...this is husband, friend, partner......A YEAR.....So I did just that..head down , wiping my eyes, I said bye , I love you, and walked away.....It does not get easier....As I got to the hanger entrance, I wanted to have a scene out of a movie and run back to him, and jump in his arms...I smirked through tears and thought....naaaaa...maybe when he comes tell you I did think at one point...if I started running through the hanger yelling and acting crazy...ya think they would send him still?I lol....knowing the Army...they will transport me to Samaritan Hospital psych ward...and he will be on the bus
So yeah I did it, it's done.....and we've only just begun!
I anticipate a wonderful year of blessing and opened doors of prosperity and peace.I anticipate getting even more intimate with my mate,and growing in God.
So if you enjoyed my first blog, let me know, and check back soon!

Support Our troops through prayers and babysitting!

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